The Next Generation: Grandparenting Means Taking a Step Back

Becoming a grandparent hits you hard between the eyes.

from dreamstimefree

Over the years, you grew used to being a parent. You became good at it. You worried about the merits of different schools and wondered what you should do about bullying. You baked birthday cakes at midnight. You ferried children through the night and feared for their safety when they passed their driving test or stayed out late.

Then, they grew up. Maybe they married, settled down with a partner, got proper, adult jobs, struggled daily to find work or travelled. They began to lead their own lives. Maybe, you felt a bit lost for a while. They didn’t seem to need you so much.

You anticipated the birth of grandchildren.

Then, one day it happened, and bang! Once again, floundering in a new world, you set off on another long learning curve: this time, at one remove.

Now, you see parenting in a whole new light.

You had forgotten or, rather, your memory had kindly blanked out for you, just how exhausting parenthood can be.

You watch your daughter-in-law as she copes with an energetic three-year-old while waiting, exhausted, for her overdue second baby to arrive. You visit your daughter and listen to her in the early hours, patiently comforting a baby who hates to sleep.  You wonder at the depths of human everyday resilience.

Grandparents can say, “It passes.” You can encourage: “He’ll sleep through the night soon,” and offer meals and breaks, but you can’t really help. Mothers and fathers must learn, bleary eyed, to find their own way through the parenting minefield.

As you watch, your learning curve can take you to a new, realistic and joyful perspective. You want your grandchildren to be healthy and happy. They may succeed at school. They may not. You find, astonished, that you really don’t mind too much, although their parents might. You want their lives to unfold, interesting and unique to them. You can’t wait to see how they turn out.

Yet, it is their parents’ joy and responsibility to make it happen, not yours. You must take a supporting role, this time. You find a place for yourself in their lives.

I have three grandsons, now. I creep on the floor on my dodgy knees, building towers of bricks and “brmm-brmming” cars across the carpet. As the family speech and language guru, I field questions about whether saying “Wah-wah-wah” during the singing of “The Babies on the Bus” constitutes a word.*  I show proud parents how many words and gestures their baby understands and explain why it’s OK for him to say “ah” for “Car.”

Whatever your special skill may be, maybe maths or gardening, you can be sure that you’ll have the chance to use it with your grandchildren.

You know that this new generation of parents will do a good job, as we did in our day. They will nurture and love their children, feed them and keep them warm, play with them and give them space and time to do their homework.

Meanwhile, you watch with a lump in your throat and marvel to see your own children all grown up.

If only you’d known when they refused to eat anything except sausages, fought for a later bedtime and hated school that they would turn out so well.

*Yes, “Wah-wah-wah” is a word because it consistently means the same thing to the one-year-old. 

More about child language development? Try these Ten Tips for Play To Help Your Child Talk.

 

Help Your Child Talk: Telling Stories Your Toddler Will Love

Welcome  to  Help Your Child Talk and Grow Smarter: this week's extract from the SpeechContacts Kindle and your chance to learn more about the way your child learns to talk. 

This week, there's more about making up stories for your child. It's so easy. Enjoy watching as your child uses his own creativity to join in with your storytelling.

One of the great things about toddlers is they just love repetition. So use the same words and sentences in your story: the more you repeat, the more he'll love it. 

 

Here's a story designed to encourage short phrases. It's built around the phrases "teddy eats" and "eats banana/cake/etc". When you make up similar stories, just follow these rules:

1. Keep the phrases short.
2. Repeat the same words many times.
3. Tell the story often.
   

Hungry Teddy

Teddy is hungry. Mummy gives him a banana. 

Teddy eats the banana.    Teddy is still hungry. 

  













Mummy gives him a cake. Teddy eats the cake. But Teddy is still hungry.

Mummy gives him a biscuit. Teddy eats the biscuit. But Teddy is still hungry.... 

And so on ... Then make a big finish:    

                          

Teddy is full right up and he isn't hungry any more.

When you make up your stories about everyday objects, why not take photos of the objects, print them out and stick them in a book. Hey presto, your child has his very own story book. Or you can download pictures like the ones here, from dreamstime.com 

More storytelling posts here:

Storytelling for Toddlers

Five Simple Ways to Improve Your Writing

Two More Games To Help Your Child With Her First Words

Welcome  to two more games to Help Your Child Talk and Grow Smarter: this week's extract from the SpeechContacts Kindle and your chance to learn more about the way your child learns to talk. 

Here are two more easy activities for you to enjoy with your toddler, designed to encourage him to use his new words.

Teddy's bath time

Coolect together Teddy, a toy/baby bath or washing-up bowl, plus pretend soap, sponge, towel, toothbrush and toothpaste. 

 

Geddy a pretend bath, naming each part of his body. Say “wash Teddy's nose”, “wash Teddy's mouth”, “wash Teddy's ears”, and carry out the action, with your child joining in.

Then try “dry Teddy's nose”, “dry Teddy's mouth”, “dry Teddy's ears”. As the game continues, leave a longer and longer gap before the name of the body part. Say “wash Teddy's ...” and see if your child will fill in the next word.  If not, just say the word yourself.

In the bag

Make a simple cloth bag if you can sew, or ask a grandparent to make one for you: they'll be thrilled to help. Avoid using plastic bags, because of the danger of suffocation.  

Put a few toys in the bag, and then sit facing your child with the bag in your hand.  Say, “What's in the bag today?” and pull out the first toy, showing great excitiment,  naming it and giving it to your child.

Continue until all the toys are out, then help him to put them back in one at a time, saying to him, “in the bag,” “car in the bag,” “dolly in the bag,” and so on.

Let him join in with you, but don’t worry if he doesn’t say the words himself at first. 

He soon will.

If you want to read the rest of this Kindle book, download How To Help Your Child Talk and Grow Smarter in seconds for only £3.53 ($5.73)

Six Ways to Help Your Child Talk: Activities to Encourage Your Child's First Words

Welcome  to Six Ways to Help Your Child Talk and Grow Smarter: this week's extract and your chance to learn more about the way your child learns to talk.  

If you're a new reader, CLICK HERE to read How To Help Your Child Talk and Grow Smarter from the very beginning.This link takes you to the first post, so you can read the extracts in sequence. At the end of each week's post you'll see a link to take you on to the next extract. I try to post every Friday, by noon GMT.

Speech: activities for babies

Play with sounds with your baby. When he babbles, saying “bababa'” or “gaga”, he’s enjoying the sounds he’ll use later in his speech. Repeat them back to him. Try out a whole range of speech sounds with him, and watch him enjoy it.

Speech: baby activities: labels

Repeat the names of things, many times. He needs to hear the word “drink” dozens of times before he recognises it as the symbol or label for the stuff he drinks. Remember, groups of sounds are not words until they have meaning, so supply him with the words alongside babble play.

Speech: baby activities: puzzles

Play with a heavy wooden puzzle, where each piece is a picture of an object, and lifts out of a board. When you pull out a piece, say the name. Let your child pull out another one, and say the word with him.

Speech: baby activities: books

Look at picture books together. Choose some that have a single object on each page. Collect real objects to match the pictures and keep them in a box. As you turn to each picture, help him search through the box for the matching object. Say each word clearly.

Speech: baby activities: word games

Use daily activities to teach new words. At bath time, say the name of each part of your child's body as you wash it. At mealtimes, name the cutlery and crockery. Don’t ask him to repeat your words, and don't say “Say shoe,” but when he makes sounds that are a bit like an appropriate word, say the word back to him, in the adult version. His sounds will soon become that real word.

Speech: baby activities: my book

Make a scrapbook of things your child knows. Include photos of family members and pets. Put in pictures from magazines, of cups, toys and clothes that look like ones he knows well. Put his photo on the outside and write his name on it. 

Sit down often to look at the book. Talk in simple sentences about each picture. Make sure you use the name of the object often. 

Say, “Look, there’s Jane. She’s got a hat on.” Your child will love his very own book, all about himself. He’ll soon start saying the names.

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First Words: Help Your Child To Talk

Your baby's learned to pay attention and to listen. He's beginning to understand you when you talk to him and during his second year, at some point, he'll start to use words himself.

 

In this extract from How To Help Your Child Talk and Grow Smarter: your chance to learn more about the way your child learns to talk, we look at how he arrives at those very first words. 

If you're a new reader, CLICK HERE to read How To Help Your Child Talk and Grow Smarter from the very beginning.This link takes you to the first post, so you can read the extracts in sequence. I try to post every Friday, by noon GMT.   

Speech: infants

Your baby depends on you to keep him alive, warm and comfortable. His first cries are the only way he can communicate with you, and he cries with a sound that you just can’t ignore. You’re right in your instincts to use his cries as a signal that you need to look after him. 

Doctors now know that the stress of prolonged crying encourages the production of the chemical cortisol, as Penelope Leach points out in her book “The Essential First Year – What Babies Need Parents to Know”. It’s true that humans all need cortisol, to help reduce inflammation and encourage the metabolism of some foods, too much in the brain can slow development. 

It doesn’t hurt your baby to cry a little: all babies cry sometimes, but remember that he is communicating with you in the only way he can, and be responsive.

When you feel you need to do something for him, you’re right. That’s what he’s telling you with his cries.

In the early days and weeks, you might notice he uses slightly different cries for a variety of purposes. He may have a hungry cry, for example, that you notice is different from the cry he uses when he’s uncomfortable. By 3 months, he’ll know he can use his voice to tell you when he’s pleased or unhappy; excited or tired, and from now on, you’ll hear plenty of coos, gurgles and shouts.

Speech: listening skills

Remember that second key: listening. He’s been listening all the time: to the things around; to human voices and, most importantly, to your voice. He’s heard your intonation patterns: the tune of your speech as your voice rises and falls. He’s heard your voice rise in a question, get louder when you’re annoyed, become low and soft when you play baby games with him.

Speech: practice

Meanwhile, he enjoys his own noises. “Ga ga” he says, his tongue falling naturally into that position. He likes it, repeats it and finds other sounds that are fun. Soon he starts babbling and he finds that you join in, encouraging all the noises, repeating strings of nonsense back to him. 

Between 6 months and 1 year, he plays often with babbling noises, trying out all the sounds of speech. He doesn’t stick to his native language, but includes sounds he’ll never need to use. Over time, his babbling begins to sound more and more like your speech, even though there are no real words there yet.

His strings of sounds get longer and he joins them together until he produces something that seems just like the intonation patterns of speech. At this point, parents sometimes feel their baby is trying to talk. He is playing with sounds, getting ready to launch himself into speech, and it’s not until he can sequence his sounds with a meaningful word that real speech begins.

Speech: feedback

At some point during this sound play, he hits on a combination of sounds that resemble a word.

“Da,” he says as his father picks him up, “Da-da-da.”

Delighted, his father smiles, cuddles him and repeats the word. What a reward. He tries that again. Every time he makes that combination of sounds, at the right time, you’ll celebrate, repeat it and reinforce it. As his accuracy improves, he gets it right every time, encouraged by your excited feedback. There it is – “daddy”: his first word.

Your child’s first word may be something different. Maybe he says “Mama” first. 

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