Showing posts with label listener. Show all posts
Showing posts with label listener. Show all posts

Connect to a Listener's World: Your Communication Kit



We need our senses to feed information to us about the world. We use a constant supply of information to tell us where we are, what’s happening, what might happen and what people think. Remember the film “Short Circuit?” When the robot, Number Five, becomes human after a lightning strike he needs constant “input.” 

Noise can overwhelm a listener child. photo dreamstimefree_8577967

Our five main sources of "input" are sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell, although we also talk about others, like our sense of direction or of time. We use all our senses at different times, and often together, but some people have a strong preference for one.

John often says, “I hear what you’re saying,” or “that rings a bell.” He likes the TV turned down low.
Jane says, “I see what you mean,” and “watch what you’re doing.”  She likes her bedroom to be pitch black at night.

Listeners
John is a musician. You can tell by his preference for metaphors, (comparing one thing with another) that use hearing as their base. References to bells, ears, ticking clocks, being “in tune” with others and traffic noise can indicate that a person is very aware of sound. John likes to use his “auditory channel.”

Jane, on the other hand, likes to see things. I’ll talk a bit more about visual people in the next post.

Depending heavily on one sense can have a downside. Sometimes people, especially some children, are so sensitive to one kind of input that they find it distracts them from using their other senses. Many musicians and others with an “auditory preference” find it impossible to concentrate when they hear any noise at all, especially loud music. 

Children who are sensitive to sound can quickly become tired and unhappy in a noisy classroom.

Seven ways to connect with people who use sound metaphors and rely heavily on their hearing:

  • Speak calmly. Your tone is an important way of communicating and “listeners” will be sensitive to how you sound. Speak too loud and you can come over as aggressive.
  •  Make sure your voice is smooth. Hoarseness, a too-deep, gravelly tone or a high-pitched squeak will infuriate a keen listener.
     
  • Practice breathing from your diaphragm. This is the best way to overcome any problems with voice quality. Your voice will become firmer and you will need to raise it less often to get yourself heard.       

  • Offer spoken instructions alongside pictures or the written word where possible, especially when explaining to children. People who prefer the hearing channel are likely to remember things they hear more easily than things they see and touch.    
     
  • Turn the music down. Yes, I mean you, restaurant managers and shop owners. Above a very low level, many people with high sensitivity to sound simply cannot bear to hear the noise. It hurts and distracts. They will leave and never return.
            
  • Try gentle, quiet music as a way to calm an over-excited auditory child, cutting out visual clutter such as a heap of toys. Keep your voice soft and speak slowly.        
     
  • Check emails from your boss and colleagues. If they uses expressions that suggest they’re “listeners,” use similar metaphors to make your words resonate with them.



Three Steps To Improving the Way You Listen: Key Communication Skills

Do you know someone who thinks they're a great communicator but who drives you crazy? Maybe he has a fund of stories that he rolls out at every opportunity, whether you've heard them before or not. 

Or maybe he caps every remark you make with one of his own. You know how it goes. You say, "I broke my foot," and he says, "I did that last year and the doctor said it was the worst fracture he ever saw."

A teenager I know started at a new school so she had to catch a different bus in the morning.The first day, she came home full of enthusiasm for a new friend.
"He's so funny," she said. "We just laughed all the way. I nearly fell off my seat."

I bet you can guess how she felt after two weeks. 
"I'm hoping he won't be on the bus today," she said. "He never shuts up and it's all about himself."

Yes, you may be more shy, less extrovert, more self-conscious than others: but chances are you're a better communicator if you take the time to listen instead of talking. 

Here's how to do it in three easy steps:

1 Make sure you really understand what someone is saying to you. Ask questions to keep yourself focused on him. "What happened next?" or "Why do you think that happened?" Who/what/when/how/where/why questions are a great way to keep the conversation going. 

2 Check back with him that you've understood. "So you didn't enjoy the day at the sea?" 

3 Watch his body language. If he's looking down, or out of the window, he may be really upset. If he's leaning back and smiling, things are OK. Be sensitive to his mood: his dating disaster may sound funny to you but if he's devastated, it's cruel to laugh.

TOP TIP You can help change  his mood if he's miserable. Get him to look up at you and he'll  feel a little better. We don't say "chin up" for nothing. (Don't say "chin up" by the way. It's annoying. Just stand back so he looks up at you. That's subtle.)

Got more top tips on listening? I love to hear them. Just leave a comment and spread the word.

Want to know more about communication skills ? Try these posts:


How to Make a Good Impression

How to Learn to Speak the Same Language

The Secret of Using All Your Five Senses

How to See Things From His Point of View

How to Avoid the Unscrupulous Salesman’s Language Traps

How to Banish Guilt Through Positive Thinking

How to Get Agreement with Communication Skills


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