tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49341148492487524922024-03-05T20:37:10.861-08:00Frances Evesham's Communication BlogVerbal and non verbal communication: communicate better, build lasting relationships, help your child to talk.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.comBlogger92125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-78502130478098147582014-06-14T02:40:00.000-07:002014-06-14T02:40:05.095-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5W-bmfsABnZP29qy4J6uatEcQEZmY3HvetF4v6nIyrKBhhBkJ_0YiaB3buEnuuB0vBd63MSZy9MyMA6FLaJEH6nSBPfgS5N8rlEqGFCWllhTG4O8DhYE6lSOCkm3QNwXsnpJwrflSr6E/s1600/AnIndependentWoman_w8826_med.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5W-bmfsABnZP29qy4J6uatEcQEZmY3HvetF4v6nIyrKBhhBkJ_0YiaB3buEnuuB0vBd63MSZy9MyMA6FLaJEH6nSBPfgS5N8rlEqGFCWllhTG4O8DhYE6lSOCkm3QNwXsnpJwrflSr6E/s1600/AnIndependentWoman_w8826_med.jpg" height="400" width="248" /></a><b>Reviews for An Independent Woman, a Victorian mystery romance, new on Amazon.</b><br />
<br />
<em>A <em>charming blend of mystery and romance</em> ... a book which will appeal to those who enjoy a sweet, clean romance, likeable characters and a perplexing mystery</em>, writes Carol Cork on the review site <a data-mce-href="http://rakesandrascals.wordpress.com/2014/06/11/book-spotlight-international-giveaway-and-review-an-independent-woman-by-frances-evesham/" href="http://rakesandrascals.wordpress.com/2014/06/11/book-spotlight-international-giveaway-and-review-an-independent-woman-by-frances-evesham/" target="_blank">Rakes and Rascals. </a><em> </em><br />
<br />
<em>The romance between Philomena and Hugh is beset by ...deceit, distrust, dark secrets and fiendish villains...</em> h<em>eartwarming</em>... a<em>n authentic, Victorian feel</em>.<br /><i> </i><br />
<i>Unputdownable </i>says Pippa Dunbar on Amazon.co.uk.<i> An historical romance with a compelling mystery.</i> <br />
<br />
An Independent Woman is available for Kindle now from <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=frances%20evesham" target="_blank">Amazon.com</a> and<a href="http://amazon.co.uk/"> Amazon.co.uk</a> <br /> </div>
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Paperback version from <a href="http://www.wildrosepublishing.com/maincatalog_v151/index.php?main_page=index&manufacturers_id=1192&zenid=d5d21abac779edf07fd9e7a78d3c1cce" target="_blank">The Wild Rose Press </a>and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=frances%20evesham" target="_blank">Amazon .com</a></div>
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Signed paperback (for UK readers only) from <a href="http://wp.me/P3SDuy-df" target="_blank">FrancesEvesham.com</a></div>
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<a href="http://francesevesham.com/contact-me/" target="_blank">Contact me </a>if you'd like more information<strong> </strong>or want to leave a comment.<strong> </strong><br />
<br />
<strong>An Independent Woman</strong><br /> With nothing left from her
childhood except a tiny portrait of a beautiful woman, some skill with a
needle, and the knowledge of a dreadful secret, Philomena escapes her
tormentor, Joseph, and the dank fogs of Victorian London, only for a
train crash to interrupt her quest for independence and freedom.<br />
<br />
<br />Trapped
between the upstairs and downstairs occupants of the great country
house, Philomena hears whispers of the mysteries and lies that lurk in
empty corridors and behind closed doors. Her rescuer, the dangerous,
enigmatic Hugh, Lord Thatcham, wrestles with his own demons and makes
Philomena’s heart race, but she must fight her passion for she can never
marry.<br />
<br />
Haunted by her past, Philomena’s only hope of happiness is to confront the evil forces that threaten to destroy her.<br />
<br />
<strong>Extract</strong><br />
Her eyes were half closed. His lips brushed gently, soft and warm, over her mouth. For an endless moment she stayed quite still, beguiled by the spicy sharp taste of his lips. A charge electrified her body.<br /><br />
Then
her head cleared. She gasped. Was she mad? This was Lord Thatcham and
she was nothing but a penniless waif in his power. He meant to have his
way with her, just as Joseph had tried to do.<br /><br />
She tore herself away from the embrace. “How dare you.” Her voice shook with fury. “How dare you treat me so?”<br /><br />
Lord
Thatcham’s arms fell away. Blood drained from his countenance, leaving
the dark eyes aglow in a white face. He said not a word.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-45181682880991499942014-04-21T01:25:00.004-07:002014-05-02T07:24:20.730-07:00An Independent Woman: how and why I write Victorian mystery romancesAs part of the Writing Process blog hop, I’m writing a little about the way I write. The full post can be found on my <a href="http://www.francesevesham.com/">Victorian blog.</a><br />
<br />
<img alt="Frances cropped" class="alignnone wp-image-430" data-mce-src="http://fevesham.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/frances-cropped.jpg?w=808" src="http://fevesham.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/frances-cropped.jpg?w=808" height="218" width="205" /><br />
<br />
My author friend <b>Pat McDonald</b>, kindly invited me to take part in this Writing Process blog hop. You can read her post on her <a data-mce-href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pat-Mcdonald/502374626484358" href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pat-Mcdonald/502374626484358" target="_blank">Facebook page.</a><br />
<br />
<b>What am I working on?</b><br />
Life is extra exciting at the Evesham’s just now, as we’re busy getting
ready for the launch of my first novel, An Independent Woman, a
historical mystery romance, on 11 June 2014.<br />
<div class="mceTemp">
<dl class="wp-caption alignnone" data-mce-style="width: 210px;" id="attachment_481" style="width: 210px;">
<dt class="wp-caption-dt"><a data-mce-href="http://fevesham.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/anindependentwoman_w8826_300.jpg" href="http://fevesham.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/anindependentwoman_w8826_300.jpg"><img alt="An Independent Woman" class="size-full wp-image-481" data-mce-src="http://fevesham.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/anindependentwoman_w8826_300.jpg" src="http://fevesham.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/anindependentwoman_w8826_300.jpg" height="300" width="200" /></a></dt>
<dd class="wp-caption-dd">An Independent Woman</dd></dl>
</div>
At
Thatcham Hall, an English Great House, the fiery, determined Philomena
leaps straight out of the frying pan into the fire. She's escaped the
perils of 19th century London only to tumble into a whole new set of
predicaments that force her to face an impossible dilemma... <a href="http://wp.me/p3SDuy-9Y">read more on my Victorian blog.</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-65298832813781952142014-04-02T07:40:00.001-07:002014-04-14T07:51:36.286-07:00An Independent Woman: Cover Reveal<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpKzMpymJ32S30ch3xAwEAXLOhjs7BEBri1xM1WLqUe633IGLAMHikzTQe16t6gS3ZVYghsCzPjvnXsDoY8lkL-w6GHFWEDATlGIZciNYmMKhA_xm7rhuFuxDbdJMyuiilns7-HySmx7o/s1600/AnIndependentWoman_w8826_med.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpKzMpymJ32S30ch3xAwEAXLOhjs7BEBri1xM1WLqUe633IGLAMHikzTQe16t6gS3ZVYghsCzPjvnXsDoY8lkL-w6GHFWEDATlGIZciNYmMKhA_xm7rhuFuxDbdJMyuiilns7-HySmx7o/s1600/AnIndependentWoman_w8826_med.jpg" height="640" width="399" /></a></div>
<br />
Soon to be published by the Wild Rose Press, my new Victorian mystery novel An Independent Woman has this amazing cover designed by the talented Debbie Taylor.<br />
<br />
Future updates (and loads of lovely Victorian trivia) from <a href="http://www.francesevesham.com%20/" target="_blank">my new blog</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/5688491/?claim=zkfxv9cuskr">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>
or like me on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/frances.evesham.writer%20" target="_blank">my Facebook page</a> to hear more.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-66735469251783389702014-02-13T03:24:00.002-08:002014-02-13T03:27:25.686-08:00A New Blogsite: My Letter to SpeechContacts FriendsDear Friends,<br />
After blogging here for some years, I am moving to a new site at <a href="http://fevesham.wordpress.com./" target="_blank">Frances Evesham's Blog. </a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcGuFJn0xLziOkbtLhlsouykElox3CtyDVIKAWAS_ghlB5J4Db3pZtqlBmo5UyZDSS8kDpmvMAaDnuE7GliiJGWi_JjB6bzme4Lfyt9AAKIrp-Kt0j0HA3Tfjphpg1NCu3clXAhmdYAiU/s1600/river.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcGuFJn0xLziOkbtLhlsouykElox3CtyDVIKAWAS_ghlB5J4Db3pZtqlBmo5UyZDSS8kDpmvMAaDnuE7GliiJGWi_JjB6bzme4Lfyt9AAKIrp-Kt0j0HA3Tfjphpg1NCu3clXAhmdYAiU/s1600/river.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I'm thrilled that my Victorian Mystery Romance is due to be published later this year, by the lovely, friendly <a href="http://www.wildrosepublishing.com/maincatalog_v151/" target="_blank">Wild Rose Press</a>. As soon as I have a launch date for the novel, I'll let you know via the new site. <br />
<br />
I am taking the content from the SpeechContacts site with me, and I hope very much that you'll come over and continue to read the new posts over there. <br />
<br />
It's easy to follow the new site from the <a href="http://fevesham.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Home Page</a>. There's a follow button at the top of the page.<br />
<br />
You can also follow me on <a href="http://twitter.com/FrancesEvesham" target="_blank">Twitter</a> and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/frances.evesham" target="_blank">Facebook</a>, and like my <a href="https://www.facebook.com/frances.evesham.writer?ref=hl" target="_blank">Facebook page</a>. So much to do, and so little time!<br />
<br />
I've enjoyed blogging on Blogger and talking to you all. I hope you'll enjoy my new site even more. If you'd like to leave a comment to tell me you've arrived safely, I'd be delighted.<br />
<br />
Until then, thank you very much for reading.<br />
<br />
See you soon,<br />
<br />
Frances xxx<br />
<br />
<a href="http://fevesham.wordpress.com./" target="_blank">Frances Evesham's Blog. </a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-57915920769586690132014-02-03T06:07:00.003-08:002014-02-03T06:07:52.687-08:00Somerset: Before the Floods<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-90965058933510150702013-11-20T02:34:00.000-08:002014-02-11T08:06:43.533-08:00Extraverts Are People Too: Understanding Human Behaviour<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Everyone wants to be an introvert. At least,that's how it seems from the
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<br /></div>
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It’s all too easy to get dragged into the “Introvert: good.
Extravert: bad.” confrontation. When you’ve suffered for years from people
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Not many of us perch neatly at one extreme of the introvert/extravert
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We’re a jumble of differences, understanding the world from
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Psychological typing is much more subtle than the debate
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look at a wide range of human behaviours. I heard that their research stemmed
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That makes sense to me. Have you ever wondered why your child, or your partner,
or your relatives or friends can’t just “Be Like You?”</div>
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<br /></div>
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The world is wonderful because we can’t all be like you. Or
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Let’s spend more time trying to understand what makes other
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-49593073497343213802013-11-07T03:20:00.002-08:002014-04-14T07:54:02.150-07:00An Independent Woman: Coming Soon<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpKzMpymJ32S30ch3xAwEAXLOhjs7BEBri1xM1WLqUe633IGLAMHikzTQe16t6gS3ZVYghsCzPjvnXsDoY8lkL-w6GHFWEDATlGIZciNYmMKhA_xm7rhuFuxDbdJMyuiilns7-HySmx7o/s1600/AnIndependentWoman_w8826_med.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpKzMpymJ32S30ch3xAwEAXLOhjs7BEBri1xM1WLqUe633IGLAMHikzTQe16t6gS3ZVYghsCzPjvnXsDoY8lkL-w6GHFWEDATlGIZciNYmMKhA_xm7rhuFuxDbdJMyuiilns7-HySmx7o/s1600/AnIndependentWoman_w8826_med.jpg" height="640" width="399" /></a></div>
<br />
Soon to be published by the Wild Rose Press, my new Victorian mystery novel An Independent Woman has this amazing cover designed by the talented Debbie Taylor.<br />
<br />
Future updates (and loads of lovely Victorian trivia) from <a href="http://www.francesevesham.com%20/" target="_blank">my new blog</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/5688491/?claim=zkfxv9cuskr">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>
or like me on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/frances.evesham.writer%20" target="_blank">my Facebook page</a> to hear more.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-75862839857914547732013-10-30T02:28:00.001-07:002013-10-30T02:30:22.187-07:00The Wrong Toothbrush: Your Communication Kit<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yesterday I used my husband’s toothbrush.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was an accident, honest, guv. You see, we share one toothbrush base
and have different coloured rings on our brushes to distinguish each one. Trust me, it’s
the kind of thing you do when you’ve been married for 33 years. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have yellow, he has red. It's a simple system that's worked well up until yesterday.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yesterday, he changed his brush for a new one. His new brush
has a blue ring.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, why did I take his blue brush instead of my yellow one?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjALZDDiReG3pupz1K5YFpBGEmUbb-4g23XbKM0Y4yGQfKRqpW1Fc_FtArwHoVh295NBS_ZF3AXdMRQL9A8fFFO4LnXIl-4e47RoCr4Z1H1ox5Xocc1RuzoN8lyoQ-K3qubKfGW7rX7ZKY/s1600/toothbrush.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjALZDDiReG3pupz1K5YFpBGEmUbb-4g23XbKM0Y4yGQfKRqpW1Fc_FtArwHoVh295NBS_ZF3AXdMRQL9A8fFFO4LnXIl-4e47RoCr4Z1H1ox5Xocc1RuzoN8lyoQ-K3qubKfGW7rX7ZKY/s320/toothbrush.JPG" width="239" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Communication with myself</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was all the fault of communication, but not his
communication with me. After all, my toothbrush ring is still yellow. He had not touched it. There was
no reason why he should mention he had changed his own brush. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, the language of the subconscious monologue that runs in my head gave me a mixed message.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In my mind, I distinguished my toothbrush ring not
as “YELLOW”, but as “NOT RED.” Instead of using a positive description, I had a negative idea floating in my mind.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I grabbed the toothbrush with a ring that was "NOT RED", and used it. What I missed was that there was now a choice of two "NOT RED" brushes. I had a 50-50 chance of getting it right and I chose the wrong option.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After I finished brushing my teeth I put the brush back on
its little holder and realised my mistake. I noticed the ring was
blue. That was a head-scratching moment. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Blue.” I thought, perhaps a little slowly. “We don’t have a blue toothbrush.” Then,
light dawned on me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At least it was my husband’s toothbrush. It would have been
much worse if it had belonged to a stranger. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So take care with negatives, even with the words you use to yourself. In fact, avoid negatives altogether if possible. Here's more about the horrid <a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2011/05/how-to-make-positive-suggestions-and.html" target="_blank">effects of negative language.</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Negatives are unreliable and confusing and they bring you down with a bump. Think positive.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
From now on, my toothbrush ring is YELLOW. Have you got
that, brain? YELLOW.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
PS I confessed and yes, we are still talking, thanks.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-3558143795050899782013-10-29T04:38:00.000-07:002013-10-29T04:44:48.947-07:00Does Your Boss Care What You Wear? Nonverbal Communication: Your Communication Kit<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span lang="EN-US">We talk to connect with people. We make energetic and loudly meaningful noises <a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2011/02/baby-talk-child-language-development.html" target="_blank">from the moment we’re born.</a> Most of our communication,
though, involves more than words. Many people find it easier and more
meaningful to communicate visually than through their other senses.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">For most of us, the way we make sense of
the world is mostly visual. Our visual input is huge. We watch films and video
games for entertainment, go to the theatre or sports events, decorate our
houses and buy clothes, our eyes constantly open for the way things look. Beauty calms us and makes us happy.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRh6G5tQ325UuMEgJguRFgTxsepjNVmlUsYqQhFbF41A0ZkUFTPP7XOlj0hZOxaIJrfhmTZSivY-fi0ADc495hRh7zQEs3MClWJyNJmQwrzJmKcLojtF4auWa-tAaevZpD72TAjnCQccI/s1600/sep+13.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRh6G5tQ325UuMEgJguRFgTxsepjNVmlUsYqQhFbF41A0ZkUFTPP7XOlj0hZOxaIJrfhmTZSivY-fi0ADc495hRh7zQEs3MClWJyNJmQwrzJmKcLojtF4auWa-tAaevZpD72TAjnCQccI/s400/sep+13.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Even our language is full of visual
references. We talk or write about having bright ideas and may describe the
experience of being let down as “seeing someone in their true colours.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Painters, sculptors and filmmakers, fashion
(and kitchen) designers, interior decorators and gardeners all rely heavily on our
love of visual stimulation. Even writers provide their work on the page. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<b><span lang="EN-US">Connect visually</span></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Since sight is so important to us, it makes
sense to watch out for ways to increase our connection with each other through
visual means.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Nonverbal communication tells us more about
meaning than the words we choose. <a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2011/02/baby-talk-child-language-development.html" target="_blank">Mehrabian</a> found that over 80% of
communication about emotive subjects came through body language, gesture,
facial expression and posture, so it pays to think about the way you ( and others) use body
language.Don't fall into the traps set by <a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2011/02/build-your-own-communication-kit-5-how.html" target="_blank">clever salesmen!</a></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">All of us, even (or especially) children
are amazingly quick to recognize when your body language is different from the
words you say. That’s why they complain when you keep glancing at your iPad. They
know you’re not really giving them your attention.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-US">How to spot a “looker.”</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">A looker may gesture constantly and speak quickly
as though she’s describing a film. Maybe her eyes turn upwards up as she talks,
as she accesses her visual memory. She pays attention to her clothes and hair
and likes her house decorated beautifully.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<b><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</b></span></div>
<b>
</b><br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><b>Seven ways to communicate with lookers.</b></span></div>
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<li><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Take care that your nonverbal
signals match the mood of what you say. Smile when you’re angry and you look
false. It’s almost impossible to completely fake your body language, unless you’re
a brilliant actor, so don’t try.</span></li>
<li><span lang="EN-US">Think happy thoughts about the
person as you talk. If you tell yourself you like them (or just their shoes or
hat) the warm thought will come through in your expression. Your eyes will
crinkle, just so, and your lips relax. (NB muscles of mouth). If your mind is
full of fury, you may find yourself pointing, folding your arms or standing too
close. You just can’t manage all those little give-away signs at once. </span></li>
<li><span lang="EN-US">Use verbal imagery to a looker. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Talk about being on the same page with
them, tell them to watch out for a bright idea you’re about to explain. Ask
them to let you paint the picture. </span></li>
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<li><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">At work, they may prefer an
email approach to a phone call. But, take care with your emails: they can be a
minefield of misunderstanding. Read every one over at least twice before you
hit the “send” button. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Check your appearance,
especially if your boss is a looker. A hem that’s falling down, baby sick on
your shoulder, a skirt that’s too tight: she’ll spot them all.<br /> </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Describe things with pictures
and diagrams and put them in writing. Verbal directions may be too confusing. Write
things down whenever you can.</span></li>
</ul>
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<li><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Use colour carefully. Red is
energetic, but it can look aggressive. Blue is relaxed but can seem cold. Yellow
looks bright and cheerful, especially in winter, but too much can tire the
eyes. Use colour to match the mood you want to convey. </span></li>
</ul>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-56136730298785818622013-10-25T02:00:00.001-07:002013-10-25T02:14:16.725-07:00Connect to a Listener's World: Your Communication Kit<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<span lang="EN-US">We need our senses to feed information to us
about the world. We use a constant supply of information to tell us where we
are, what’s happening, what might happen and what people think. Remember the
film “Short Circuit?” When the robot, Number Five, becomes human after a lightning
strike he needs constant “input.” </span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHRUEtOEZPkJKoxxEGiHcEAAHXlBjkJHQ53_i8X_eEgSOiIUPvQzg9AaZ7R9NumgAxwiH7mZaHsTIKj3w487_Cl12ASKKoSoNnitS47WgGOXe_qNnm11gyiXmTMnt1PBhJFPOmN8JTEHk/s1600/dreamstimefree_8577967.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHRUEtOEZPkJKoxxEGiHcEAAHXlBjkJHQ53_i8X_eEgSOiIUPvQzg9AaZ7R9NumgAxwiH7mZaHsTIKj3w487_Cl12ASKKoSoNnitS47WgGOXe_qNnm11gyiXmTMnt1PBhJFPOmN8JTEHk/s400/dreamstimefree_8577967.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Noise can overwhelm a listener child. photo dreamstimefree_8577967 </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US">Our five main sources of "input" are sight,
hearing, touch, taste and smell, although we also talk about others, like our
sense of direction or of time. We use all our senses at different times, and often together, but some people have a strong
preference for one. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">John
often says, “I hear what you’re saying,” or “that rings a bell.” He likes the
TV turned down low. </span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Jane
says, “I see what you mean,” and “watch what you’re doing.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She likes her bedroom to be pitch black at
night.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Listeners</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">John is a musician. You can tell by his
preference for metaphors, (comparing one thing with another) that use hearing
as their base. References to bells, ears, ticking clocks, being “in tune” with
others and traffic noise can indicate that a person is very aware of sound. John
likes to use his “auditory channel.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Jane, on the other hand, likes to see
things. I’ll talk a bit more about visual people in the next post.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Depending heavily on one sense can have a downside.
Sometimes people, especially some children, are so sensitive to one kind of
input that they find it distracts them from using their other senses. Many
musicians and others with an “auditory preference” find it impossible to
concentrate when they hear any noise at all, especially loud music. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Children who are sensitive to sound can quickly become tired and unhappy in a noisy classroom. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Seven ways</b> to connect with people who use sound
metaphors and rely heavily on their hearing:</span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"></span></span></div>
<br />
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<li><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Speak calmly. Your tone is an important
way of communicating and “listeners” will be sensitive to how you sound. Speak
too loud and you can come over as aggressive.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></li>
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<li><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Make sure your voice is smooth.
Hoarseness, a too-deep, gravelly tone or a high-pitched squeak will infuriate a
keen listener.<br /> </span></li>
<li><span lang="EN-US">Practice breathing from your
diaphragm. This is the best way to overcome any problems with voice quality.
Your voice will become firmer and you will need to raise it less often to get
yourself heard.</span><span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> <br /><br />
</span></span></span></li>
<li><span lang="EN-US">Offer spoken instructions alongside
pictures or the written word where possible, especially when explaining to
children. People who prefer the hearing channel are likely to remember things
they hear more easily than things they see and touch.</span><span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><br /> </span></li>
<li><span lang="EN-US">Turn the music down. Yes, I
mean you, restaurant managers and shop owners. Above a very low level, many
people with high sensitivity to sound simply cannot bear to hear the noise. It hurts
and distracts. They will leave and never return.</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><br /><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span></li>
<li><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Try gentle, quiet music as a
way to calm an over-excited auditory child, cutting out visual clutter such as
a heap of toys. Keep your voice soft and speak slowly.</span><span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US"><br /> </span></li>
<li><span lang="EN-US">Check emails from your boss and
colleagues. If they uses expressions that suggest they’re “listeners,” use
similar metaphors to make your words resonate with them. </span></li>
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-91825343147826782602013-10-22T07:44:00.000-07:002013-10-22T07:44:29.442-07:00How to Connect: Your Communication Kit<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mars-Women-Venus-Communication-Relationships/dp/0007152590" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,”</a> suggests John
Gray. It's a great book, but there's more to our differences than gender. We need to learn to communicate better across the board, avoiding confusion and offence. We have to understand more about what really makes people different from each other. It's possible to find a way to get through to anyone: partners, colleagues, friends, rivals, even teenagers. We just need to understand more about what goes on in their minds.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR5XHi1rXNXry4Zhwxn2mN3SWnV1tyqO8XMLCqtn5oOPryJlCeQ4gSzK0PTLAHK8W-HT3uKnLNThF2KjRuGWTg2ifAziJj6N3cf9DP10ORjLWXI4rdguuPff12xn-ZFGRW8Uu57PtSWW4/s1600/dreamstimefree_1407401.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR5XHi1rXNXry4Zhwxn2mN3SWnV1tyqO8XMLCqtn5oOPryJlCeQ4gSzK0PTLAHK8W-HT3uKnLNThF2KjRuGWTg2ifAziJj6N3cf9DP10ORjLWXI4rdguuPff12xn-ZFGRW8Uu57PtSWW4/s320/dreamstimefree_1407401.jpg" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">dreamstimefree 1407401</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Brains</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For years, psychologists have struggled to tease out what
makes people tick. Advances in neuroscience take us ever closer to understanding
how our brains work. Maybe we’ve heard a little about <a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/one-secret-best-communicators-understand.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">mirror neurons and empathy</a><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/one-secret-best-communicators-understand.html" target="_blank">,</a> or we've heard which parts of our brains light up when we’re happy, but we’re
still so different from each other that our behaviour quirks and oddities never
cease to astonish us.<b> </b><br />
<br />
<b>Preferences</b></div>
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My husband loves a James Bond car chase while I’d rather
watch Downton Abbey, yet we think alike in many other ways. We’re both members
of the “table manners” police and we laugh at the Big Bang Theory. What makes
us disagree on some things but agree on others? Is it our genes or the way we
were brought up? Would our brains look the same or different? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If we want to engage with someone when we talk or write, we
need to understand a bit about them. Then we can choose the best way to get our
message across. Talking about a character’s emotions won’t keep my husband’s
attention but explaining a scientific study on neurons has him riveted. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The message</b></div>
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Communicating depends on far more than just telling people
things. It’s one of our most complex activities. We use complicated verbal and
non-verbal patterns, choose the best channel (email, telephone, face-to-face?) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and hope our carefully constructed message is
received in the spirit in which we sent it. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have you ever sent an email that offended? You didn’t mean
it to, did you? It seemed OK when you read it. Why didn’t the reader understand
that you were joking? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYijs3T9aNwDLEWuEtCARlAHOYkfuU5T84sPpLaCVdgssEAucqG52tqjARVH4D9ITZU3cGvX7j5ACqzcNahVp1SmZjnuOobETe4N_UPkmJ-lgUubiczHdLhzDZq-1ScgLVnX-E7AeVtEk/s1600/dreamstimefree_1135910.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYijs3T9aNwDLEWuEtCARlAHOYkfuU5T84sPpLaCVdgssEAucqG52tqjARVH4D9ITZU3cGvX7j5ACqzcNahVp1SmZjnuOobETe4N_UPkmJ-lgUubiczHdLhzDZq-1ScgLVnX-E7AeVtEk/s320/dreamstimefree_1135910.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> dreamstimefree</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Then, there’s arguing. How can you disagree with someone without
fighting? What’s the best way to get your point across without raising the
temperature in the room? </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To communicate well we have to find a way to talk or write
so that it really means something to the other person. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<b>Understanding the world</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s difficult because we’re all different. Things that are
meaningful to me may seem boring or silly to you. Have you ever been given a
present that you hate when you know the giver has tried hard to get it right? Maybe
your husband gave you an expensive necklace when you longed for an iPad, for
example. How can you tell him what you want without pointing to the gift and spoiling all the surprise?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The more we understand about the way other people see the
world, the easier it will be to communicate effectively. We might even find our
dream gift in this year’s Christmas stocking.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the next few posts, I’ll deal with some of the things
you might take into account when you communicate. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>A starter for ten</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s a tiny quiz to start the ball rolling.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>John often says, “I hear what you’re saying,” or “that rings
a bell.” He likes the TV turned down low. Jane says, “I see what you mean,” and “watch what you’re doing.”
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She likes her bedroom to be pitch black
at night.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of them is a musician. Which one? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How could you change the language you use with the musician so
that you’re more attuned to each other?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-21801628328005811192013-10-16T02:47:00.000-07:002013-10-16T03:02:16.745-07:00Never Say This To Anyone, Ever<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I saw a shocking advertisement the other day. Not one designed
to cause distress, nor an appeal for a good cause. The advertiser just wanted me to buy a
lottery ticket.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The presenter asked, “Are you doing the lottery?” and then
said, “You should be.” My blood boiled.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have nothing against lotteries, or even against gambling
in moderation. After all, I will be happily rich when I hit the jackpot with my one weekly
ticket. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, to suggest to someone that they are somehow failing
in some unspecified duty by not gambling is, I believe, immoral and potentially
harmful.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I blame the word “should.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I would like to remove that word from every dictionary,
along with its equally insidious, creepy friend, “ought.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I read the other day that some people struggle
for approval from others, while others work harder at avoiding disapproval. The
second group, the ones who struggle hard to avoid disapproval, suffer most from
“should” torment, but others are not immune. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our longing to avoid censure means that many of us carry rucksacks-full
of guilt on our backs. We may be worried about what other people think or just
about the differences between the way we would like to be and the way we really
behave. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The fear of failure to meet our internal goals dogs many of us. We find it hard to avoid our condemnation of our own conduct and we have to
work hard to stay positive.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Every time someone tells me that I “should exercise more ”
or “ought to recycle” they tap directly into my store of guilt. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Using “should” can be an easy way of persuading, without
taking responsibility for the consequences. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You should only feed your baby every four hours,” a doctor
told a new mother. The baby cried after three hours. What was the mother to do,
torn between the guilt of withholding food from her child and the guilt of
failing to do her duty, as set out by a person in authority?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The doctor could have avoided causing that problem. If she had said, “I advise feeding every four hours
if possible,” the baby’s mother would have felt free to make her own informed decision. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or, if there was some unusual medical issue that meant this particular baby
would be in danger if fed earlier, the doctor could have made that clear by saying, “You must feed
every four hours.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When you talk to your child, your partner, your colleague or your friend, you can avoid imposing a guilt trip.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You may be tempted to tell your child, “I think you should let Michael play
with the train.” This is unfair. It puts all the responsibility on the child.
Instead, be brave. If you really want your child to give the train to Michael,
say “It’s Michael’s turn. Give him the train now,” and make sure he obeys you. If
you’re not sure, why not let the children sort it out for themselves? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Instead of, “You should read that book,” try “I enjoyed that
book and I think you might, too.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And when someone tries to sell you something by saying you “should”
buy it, remember they are trying to manipulate you through guilt and make up
your own mind. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
More on making language work for you in these posts</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2011/05/how-to-make-positive-suggestions-and.html" target="_blank">How to Make Positive Suggestions</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2011/04/how-to-give-advice-communication-skills.html" target="_blank">How to Give Advice</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have you ever found yourself persuaded by someone making you feel guilty? I'd love to hear your story.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-49174276800200625402013-10-14T02:23:00.000-07:002013-10-14T02:25:53.764-07:00The Next Generation: Grandparenting Means Taking a Step Back<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
Becoming a grandparent hits you hard between the eyes.
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIfEom59psvlngW0yjILUqLNbvztdas4wgrY3Kh8hFqJvq3mJC0s89of-9yqzWlSJyCWS3nAUCr4J18LQ_NiNHHGYNLsQXuCc1s9HnrFxRJChL6mTukjX7iW4rQ3EI7JaV0HMTI-9rSak/s1600/dreamstimefree_2254292.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIfEom59psvlngW0yjILUqLNbvztdas4wgrY3Kh8hFqJvq3mJC0s89of-9yqzWlSJyCWS3nAUCr4J18LQ_NiNHHGYNLsQXuCc1s9HnrFxRJChL6mTukjX7iW4rQ3EI7JaV0HMTI-9rSak/s320/dreamstimefree_2254292.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">from dreamstimefree </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the years, you grew used to being a parent. You became
good at it. You worried about the merits of different schools and wondered what
you should do about bullying. You baked birthday cakes at midnight. You ferried
children through the night and feared for their safety when they passed their
driving test or stayed out late.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then, they grew up. Maybe they married, settled down with a
partner, got proper, adult jobs, struggled daily to find work or travelled. They
began to lead their own lives. Maybe, you felt a bit lost for a while. They
didn’t seem to need you so much.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You anticipated the birth of grandchildren.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Then, one day it happened, and bang! Once again, floundering
in a new world, you set off on another long learning curve: this time, at one
remove. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, you see parenting in a whole new light.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You had forgotten or, rather, your memory had kindly blanked
out for you, just how exhausting parenthood can be.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You watch your daughter-in-law as she copes with an
energetic three-year-old while waiting, exhausted, for her overdue second baby
to arrive. You visit your daughter and listen to her in the early hours,
patiently comforting a baby who hates to sleep. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You wonder at the depths of human everyday resilience.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grandparents can say, “It passes.” You can encourage: “He’ll
sleep through the night soon,” and offer meals and breaks, but you can’t really
help. Mothers and fathers must learn, bleary eyed, to find their own way
through the parenting minefield.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As you watch, your learning curve can take you to a new,
realistic and joyful perspective. You want your grandchildren to be healthy and
happy. They may succeed at school. They may not. You find, astonished, that you
really don’t mind too much, although their parents might. You want their lives
to unfold, interesting and unique to them. You can’t wait to see how they turn
out. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yet, it is their parents’ joy and responsibility to make it
happen, not yours. You must take a supporting role, this time. You find a place
for yourself in their lives.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have three grandsons, now. I creep on the floor on my
dodgy knees, building towers of bricks and “brmm-brmming” cars across the
carpet. As the family speech and language guru, I field questions about whether
saying “Wah-wah-wah” during the singing of “The Babies on the Bus” constitutes
a word.* <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I show proud parents how many
words and gestures their baby understands and explain why it’s OK for him to say
“ah” for “Car.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whatever your special skill may be, maybe maths or
gardening, you can be sure that you’ll have the chance to use it with your
grandchildren.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You know that this new generation of parents will do a good
job, as we did in our day. They will nurture and love their children, feed them
and keep them warm, play with them and give them space and time to do their
homework.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile, you watch with a lump in your throat and marvel
to see your own children all grown up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If only you’d known when they refused to eat anything except
sausages, fought for a later bedtime and hated school that they would turn out
so well. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">*Yes, “Wah-wah-wah” is
a word because it consistently means the same thing to the one-year-old. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">More about<i> </i></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">child language development? Try these <a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2011/08/ten-tips-for-play-to-help-your-child.html" target="_blank">Ten Tips for Play To Help Your Child Talk</a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-48180632522455136722013-09-09T08:26:00.000-07:002013-09-09T08:34:31.394-07:00It’s Not Only People Who Communicate<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When your cat sits in the doorway, glaring at you until you
feed him, you know he’s communicating.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzf2s5SeJiuvVz15fEUc8KG4HDS4V_XP9BNxsXB8YSDtDgbGGtvy8qoDQFXIRHMb9JyhWpXZWStJQqBwHRWOML7XkJ40hdcm5K1eL1s11JWxlXACcuctVclF32rXYpr1pBNFrexVzv0Lw/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzf2s5SeJiuvVz15fEUc8KG4HDS4V_XP9BNxsXB8YSDtDgbGGtvy8qoDQFXIRHMb9JyhWpXZWStJQqBwHRWOML7XkJ40hdcm5K1eL1s11JWxlXACcuctVclF32rXYpr1pBNFrexVzv0Lw/s640/photo.JPG" width="420" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
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We talk a lot, and sometimes we get trapped
into imagining this to be our main way of sending each other messages. <br />
<br />
But we only convey about 20 percent of our meaning verbally, especially
when we’re sending emotional messages.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Body Language </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we want to tell people we’re angry, or tired, or we
just wish they’d go away and leave us alone, we can do it through folding our
arms, leaning away, looking at the floor, sighing, and raising our eyebrows.<br />
<br />
Have you ever been driven to despair by <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>your kids, or even your partner, not because
of what they say, but because of the WAY they say it? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We use our face muscles, our heads, our bodies, our arms and
legs to tell people what we think. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even when we resort
to words, we use volume, pitch, rhythm and tune to make the meaning clear.</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s perfectly possible to say “Yes” and at the same time
make it clear you mean “No.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Animal Communication </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We need to stop imagining that the only sorts of
communication in existence are words. Then, we might take a bit more time to
understand animals – and our own kids.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The rest of the world is more like humans than you might think.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://news.nationalgeographic.co.uk/news/2013/13/130507-talking-chili-plant-communication-science/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Plants have friends. </a>Yes, chillis like to be close to their
mates, basil. They grow better even when they can’t see each other. </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.janegoodall.ca/about-chimp-behaviour-com.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Chimps</a> have up to 30 different calls. They also stamp and
throw rocks. They even grin when they’re nervous, like humans do.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.doglistener.co.uk/language/language_canine.shtml" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Dogs</a> yawn and seem to use this to diffuse tension. They wag
their tails, yelp, whine, sniff, move their ears around and raise the hair on
their backs. We can’t manage half of that. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even <a href="http://www.dosits.org/animals/useofsound/fishcommunicate/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">fish communicate</a>: the oyster toadfish calls out when he
wants to mate.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dolphins have had a bad press recently, according to the <a href="http://www.dolphincommunicationproject.org/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Dolphin CommunicationProject</a>. After years of hero worship, it turns out pigs and chickens can do
many of the things dolphins can –including making friends and living socially. Because
we picked up on some of their communication, we thought they were clever. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By clever, of course, we mean, like us.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-32363798734784680862013-09-06T02:59:00.000-07:002013-09-06T22:50:48.528-07:00Talking Without Words: Non Verbal Communication<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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"We're getting married," my son announced. We cheered. "In Brazil."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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The prospect of an escape from England, as it shivered in mid-December, made us crow with delight. What's more, the wedding venue was Salvador, <span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span>in
the hot north-east of the country near the equator, where the new in-laws live.<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglGNEMd7r-h6eAbV-wFzqLQReF0AR2XiqTiHpjjXd0mtmD68t8FbIDyNsAWd35zqHvQ0ZkMTeB0xHYv-bQuVxAoG0YCICKjxQCOPXWxVoQm5XPzDDZZCGzbKvSFpa0tcgTi7eRL04OENA/s1600/dreamstimefree_219305.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglGNEMd7r-h6eAbV-wFzqLQReF0AR2XiqTiHpjjXd0mtmD68t8FbIDyNsAWd35zqHvQ0ZkMTeB0xHYv-bQuVxAoG0YCICKjxQCOPXWxVoQm5XPzDDZZCGzbKvSFpa0tcgTi7eRL04OENA/s400/dreamstimefree_219305.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, it really does look like this.© <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/lisajames_info">Lisa James</a> | <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/">Dreamstime Stock Photos</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<br />
Sunshine: check. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Palm
trees: check. Heat 30 degrees: what’s not to like?<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Girls with tanned bodies and long
hair. No wonder my husband was so keen.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Did you know that Brazilians speak Portuguese, not Spanish
as I imagined? So much for my vague memories of learning Spanish on holiday on the Costas,
then.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We did not speak Portuguese. My son’s fiancée’s family spoke
no English. How then, were we to understand each other, let alone spend the
entire day of the wedding together? The thought was daunting, but the solution simple.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had to loosen up our British stiff upper lips and let our bodies do the talking.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We dipped our toes in the water with smiles and nods, hugs and multiple <a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/handshakes-hugs-and-kisses-tiptoe.html" target="_blank">kisses on the cheek</a> (at least two). Good relations established, we saw rougher seas ahead. How do you make small talk, or just chat or crack jokes,
when you don't share a language?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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We would not let words get in our way. We took deep breaths and plunged in, arms waving and eyebrows waggling.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh,” we said, with smiles
and two hands to our faces. Everyone saw it meant, "She looks beautiful."</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
We shrugged, frowned and glanced to either
side to ask where we should sit. They pointed and patted the seats.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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“Have some cake” was easy, so was “More champagne?” Everyone
can mime eating and drinking. </div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4Rz1O7Df8AdhSwZtJ_ZBcSFrrOfLyNfP19e-dRhteaYn_NyboVgbNY4WUz5FlLosUYbGhTnY2sClGfy8csebMHXgzaTDaOCBUwDH_BluJULyVapWgmh26IEOLFcQZFA2yY1nohrH6BIM/s1600/Pippa_And_Alex-1183.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4Rz1O7Df8AdhSwZtJ_ZBcSFrrOfLyNfP19e-dRhteaYn_NyboVgbNY4WUz5FlLosUYbGhTnY2sClGfy8csebMHXgzaTDaOCBUwDH_BluJULyVapWgmh26IEOLFcQZFA2yY1nohrH6BIM/s400/Pippa_And_Alex-1183.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
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With a little help from our dictionaries, some paper to draw
on and more champagne we didn't look back. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We waved our hands;
we jumped up to perform elaborate mimes. If one person couldn’t guess what we meant, another one could.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We found out who was on their second marriage, who had been
having affairs and who with. We talked about the price of houses and debated how
to travel by car around Salvador. (Tip: close your eyes.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes, the conversation stopped for a while. But it didn’t
matter. We sat together, not talking, to enjoy each other’s company. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Of course, everything's easier when the sun shines and
you sit outside around the pool, but some of the lessons from that day will stay with me always.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So here’s what I learned:</div>
<br />
<ul>
<li>If you want to communicate you can do so without words. All
it takes is goodwill and the willingness to lose some of your inhibitions.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li> Silence is no enemy to communication. Sitting quietly
together can create a real bond.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li> Always have paper and a pen with you.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Don’t be afraid to draw – stick people are the high points of
my ability, but they get the message across.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Use your hands, your facial expressions and even inarticulate
grunts: anything<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to help people understand. Unleash your inner actor.</li>
</ul>
<br />
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And yes, since you ask, the women are scandalously gorgeous
over there. But, on the other hand, our new Brazilian family swooned over our
fair hair and blue eyes.</div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-8827173739434411862013-08-30T03:31:00.001-07:002014-02-11T08:11:45.195-08:00One Secret The Best Communicators Understand.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]--><span style="font-size: x-large;">This post can now be seen, along with new content, on <a href="http://fevesham.wordpress.com/2013/08/30/one-secret-the-best-communicators-understand/" target="_blank">Frances Evesham's Blog</a>.</span><br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I can hear you sigh: if only there was one simple rule for good communication
skills. One cast-iron guaranteed way you can find the right thing to say to help
you get that job, deal with your teen’s sulks, know when to argue and recognise when to apologise.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Is9051g8oF-WUG5XnT7GEys7f97xZaEuWvoYNF84IbIuTRjEU_KpSGPOJcEO3RJRbIOP-hrfHqMHNrsjXyRrE-J6jP3bE5a3FtpMJoXoVra5VzmxfsxIfhiLAm-_wKvgiJAm9mXH5E4/s1600/dreamstimefree_250597.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Is9051g8oF-WUG5XnT7GEys7f97xZaEuWvoYNF84IbIuTRjEU_KpSGPOJcEO3RJRbIOP-hrfHqMHNrsjXyRrE-J6jP3bE5a3FtpMJoXoVra5VzmxfsxIfhiLAm-_wKvgiJAm9mXH5E4/s320/dreamstimefree_250597.jpg" height="247" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">© <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/bevd@l_info">Bevd@l</a> | <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/">Dreamstime Stock Photos</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, worry no more. There’s one communication skill that outweighs all
the practice in the world in making eye contact, nodding and matching people’s leg-crossings.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not that those things don’t help you communicate better, of course. They do. But
they work because of this one special gift we can all share. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have you guessed it yet?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ok, for those of you who didn’t already scan down the page to peek, I’ll tell you. It’s empathy. The big E.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The magic silver bullet you need to succeed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Empathy is the ability to feel what another person feels, understand
his point of view and imagine what he’s thinking. Or, as Native Americans
(possibly) have said, “to walk a mile in another man's moccasins.” Or woman's, obviously.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDwYW5VpNKrDrN4DHKPTmcdkKiLVraShMpozMtpYG2CeYumVoUyDK5OGWZjuOus3e20A2-JiTZ9gNn0n9zjcIXGUiY_zod7tDlAgkR-bnAlFgW_6nnJUzHMX-bjM6q_bVA8CUWMQubX_I/s1600/dreamstimefree_244206.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDwYW5VpNKrDrN4DHKPTmcdkKiLVraShMpozMtpYG2CeYumVoUyDK5OGWZjuOus3e20A2-JiTZ9gNn0n9zjcIXGUiY_zod7tDlAgkR-bnAlFgW_6nnJUzHMX-bjM6q_bVA8CUWMQubX_I/s400/dreamstimefree_244206.jpg" height="400" width="271" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">© <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/clarita_info">Clarita</a> | <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/">Dreamstime Stock Photos</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
When you understand the person you're talking to, you can tailor your messages to suit them. If they're cross, you may use a calm voice to deflect their anger. If they're worried, you could ask what's wrong, or if they're anxious, you may want to offer support.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<br />
Now I hear you wonder why, if this fabulous gift is out
there and free of charge, we aren’t all grabbing it and working our silver-tongued magic on
everyone from the car salesman to our toddler with a tantrum.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The answer is that although some degree of empathy seems to be <a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/vs_ramachandran_the_neurons_that_shaped_civilization.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">hard-wired</a> in our brains, making use of it is a skill, and like any
skill, it takes hard work and practice to grow it. Lots of
practice. Plus determination,
focus, time, effort and all the other difficult stuff you thought you
could leave
behind when you left school.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh, I feel your pain (laughs cruelly). You thought it was
going to be easy. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the other hand, you can work on it while you watch TV,
trawl through Twitter and flirt with Facebook.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When you feel empathy, when you understand the way the other
person thinks, you react in a way that means something to them. In the simplest
terms, it means you don’t laugh when someone tells you their cat died. You may
be a dog person, and think all cats are witches’ familiars, but you know enough
about the cat’s owner to feel at least a little of their sorrow.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKAB1hnSmwSBjlhX571elefjdMePT3h4ociNROjR_WTi6OeBcEkxHUQGfO3RZ-rXu6Wf21G47M7a0wfzDLBpWHYNhTo3MeJSi8aOmhy91JO0dk5VnyIYkQOaeT81i0ScPkdqF_s0HEXm4/s1600/dreamstimefree_165310.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKAB1hnSmwSBjlhX571elefjdMePT3h4ociNROjR_WTi6OeBcEkxHUQGfO3RZ-rXu6Wf21G47M7a0wfzDLBpWHYNhTo3MeJSi8aOmhy91JO0dk5VnyIYkQOaeT81i0ScPkdqF_s0HEXm4/s320/dreamstimefree_165310.jpg" height="320" width="278" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Obligatory cat picture © <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/marilyna_info">Marilyn Barbone</a> | <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/">Dreamstime Stock Photos</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Empathy comes more easily to some than to others, like all human
traits.Work to improve your empathy and you’ll find your
communication skills develop automatically. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Find out <a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2010/03/build-your-own-communication-kit-2.html" target="_blank">what other people feel and think</a> by watching them
and listening to them. Their body language gives you plenty of clues. Here are
a few hints:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>She tends
to look at the floor rather than at you: she’s paying attention to how she feels
inside, she may be shy, not confident, may even be upset.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>He makes
great eye contact: he feels happy, confident and friendly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>She
folds her arms: whoops, she’s anxious or nervous, or wants you to keep your
distance.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>He
strokes his hair or touches his face: he cares what you think about him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
5<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>She
speaks in a high voice: she’s nervous, or likes to be like a little girl (think
Minnie Mouse).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are hundreds of types of body language. Don’t forget to watch conversations between others or on the
screen to pick up some clues. Learn to recognise ‘tells’: the tiny movements or
the eyes, or hands, or facial muscles people use that give them away when they’re
nervous, telling lies or trying to sell you something. That’s how poker players
operate.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once you see how someone feels it’s <a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2011/05/who-else-wants-to-be-liked-best-tips.html" target="_blank">far easier to talk</a> to her.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why not do a spot of people-watching, next time you’re on
the bus or in a restaurant?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What have you noticed people doing that gives you a clue
about them? I’d love to hear your stories.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-80853894638535618652013-08-28T05:32:00.000-07:002014-02-11T08:09:56.605-08:00Handshakes, Hugs and Kisses: Tiptoe Through the Minefield of Non Verbal Communication<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->This post can be seen on the new <a href="http://fevesham.wordpress.com/2013/08/28/handshakes-hugs-and-kisses-tiptoe-through-the-minefield-of-non-verbal-communication/" target="_blank">Frances Evesham's Blog</a> along with new content.<br />
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<br />
Around the world, we smile, hug and kiss, shake hands or bow
when we meet. Our arms, bodies, voices and faces all have a role to play in meeting and greeting.
How strange that we behave so differently, depending where we live.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinL4Vbbf6lsR2T8iFcNaO_VIkouwNJw4XXrZfLydx0B3DGgt0rXmW3ZBed5qMc278A3AY4HsS3ZKIPRVcOhPX_AH88LHkVDBgKXC2O9Pk7z9XCDWbThBv2ZNiIrKv5dycqNYGAgeVDeBc/s1600/dreamstimefree_1790694.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinL4Vbbf6lsR2T8iFcNaO_VIkouwNJw4XXrZfLydx0B3DGgt0rXmW3ZBed5qMc278A3AY4HsS3ZKIPRVcOhPX_AH88LHkVDBgKXC2O9Pk7z9XCDWbThBv2ZNiIrKv5dycqNYGAgeVDeBc/s320/dreamstimefree_1790694.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span itemprop="additionalName"><a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Leloft1911 dreamstime stock images</a> </span></b></td></tr>
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<br /></div>
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It's easy to undermine our communication messages if we don't take care. For example, Mary thinks hugs are warm and cosy. She throws her arms round someone when she's pleased to see them, because she loves them, or maybe wants to comfort
them. Sadly, though, as a serial
hugger she doesn't always realise when the huggee is uncomfortable. </div>
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<br /></div>
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When she hugged Diane, her cousin stood still and stiff, waiting awkwardly until she finished. It wasn't because she doesn't like Mary. It's just that people don’t behave like
that where she comes from. She'd have preferred a simple smile. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Differences</div>
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Learn a little about the culture of the person you greet.
The Chinese, <a href="http://chinosandchopsticks.com/2012/06/02/chinese-hugging/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">says blogger Hsin-Yi</a>,
don’t hug. They prefer to nod and smile, even when greeting an old and close
friend after years of absence. Even fond mothers don’t hug their daughters, but show their love
in practical ways, like in the food they cook.</div>
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<br /></div>
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</div>
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Kisses </div>
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In South America, on the other hand, hugging’s just not quite enough. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Warm and friendly, Brasilians and Argentinians
like to plant a couple of warm kisses on your cheek, along with a hug and a pat
on the back. Men kiss men there, so northern
Europeans may have to deliver something more tha<b>n</b> their usual handshake, brief eye
contact or (very) restrained hug. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Technique </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In other parts of Europe, the French and Belgians kiss once,
twice or three times on the cheek, depending on familiarity or even the part of the country. Walk into a room here and you’ll find
yourself passing from one person to the next, kissing each cheek separately. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Helpful
hint: try putting your left cheek forward first when you kiss to avoid untidy nose-bumps.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Restraint</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Northern Europeans may prefer the sort of hug that makes sure
no body parts actually touch, or the “mwa-mwa” air kiss. Without the body contact, it’s often eye contact
and a warm smile that shows you care. You could try the politician's favourite handshake, where you clasp the other person’s hands
with both of yours, or grab their forearm at the same time, but beware of seeming controlling or condescending. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe the Maoris in New Zealand manage things best with
their Hongi, where they touch noses and breathe together. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you go to Japan, learn
to bow politely, or in India you may need to touch an older relative’s feet in order to show real respect.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Tips</div>
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Your best bet is to research the country you visit
carefully before you go, then spend some time people-watching when you arrive,
so you can see how most people behave.<br />
<br />
More Communication blogs:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/how-to-make-friends-when-youre-shy.html" target="_blank">How To Make Friends When You're Shy </a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/normal-0-false-false-false-en-gb-x-none.html" target="_blank">How To Be an Introvert</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/verbal-and-non-verbal-communication.html" target="_blank">Verbal and Non Verbal Communication Skills: Ten Golden Rules </a> </div>
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0Somerset54.5259614 -105.25511870000003-18.8897046 89.510506299999975 90 59.979256299999975tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-84160550840998315792013-08-26T09:13:00.000-07:002013-08-26T09:13:00.937-07:00Five Fictional Heroes<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
best fictional characters jump off the
page. Full of charisma, they have a little quirk or two and maybe a fatal flaw. Who cares what they
look like? Your imagination fills that in for you. Start a conversation about
your favourite novel or fictional hero, though, and you may be surprised at how
much you disagree with other people. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIL5uma-PKZqgyOIJnsVEN7FQgH7FTPq5sOuCPvm-dfbtL7a1lBhlVmjEG4dzcW8CxD3GP3vQFxPh0QrcIYvo4r2ebXb0kTr_uGoCqj2f6OZzMfcrcyLMGTXUbSmT6VgUqhdhqhZmgyhg/s1600/dreamstimefree_30442(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIL5uma-PKZqgyOIJnsVEN7FQgH7FTPq5sOuCPvm-dfbtL7a1lBhlVmjEG4dzcW8CxD3GP3vQFxPh0QrcIYvo4r2ebXb0kTr_uGoCqj2f6OZzMfcrcyLMGTXUbSmT6VgUqhdhqhZmgyhg/s400/dreamstimefree_30442(1).jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">© <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/webking_info">Dana Rothstein</a> | Dreamstime Stock Photos</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Whether
you swoon over Mr Darcy or adore Jack Reacher, maybe it’s worth wondering why he
appeals so much to you. It could tell you something about your own personality and
values.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Here
are five male characters from fiction: do you love them or hate them?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Mr
Darcy</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">No
matter how hard I try, I do not like this Pride and Prejudice hero. He may be
strong, have hidden depths of kindness and generosity, but I can never forgive
him for his rudeness to Elizabeth Bennett at the Ball. Not only does he say she
is not handsome enough to tempt him, but he also has no interest in women “slighted
by other men.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Now,
I don’t mind him holding those views, but I do mind him talking about them in a
voice loud enough for other people to hear. To me, that is cruel and unforgiveable.
No amount of kindness to his sister, or even to Elizabeth’s family, is enough
to make me forget that, in his heart, he does not care whether he hurts someone’s
feelings. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Anyone
who has ever suffered the indignity of being a wallflower at the dance, even if
it was only for ten minutes, will know what I mean.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Mr
Micawber</span></div>
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<tbody>
<tr style="height: 45.9pt; mso-yfti-firstrow: yes; mso-yfti-irow: 0; mso-yfti-lastrow: yes;">
<td style="height: 45.9pt; padding: 0in 0in 0in 0in; width: 455.8pt;" width="608"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> I<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b>love this Dickens character, from David
Copperfield. He is foolish, lazy and selfish, but I forgive him everything
because of his optimism. The glass is always about to overflow, until
disaster strikes. Yet, he bounces back.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">
</b>Something will always “turn up.”</span></div>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">"Annual
income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen and six, result happiness.
Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six,
result misery." </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">My
finances, like his, rely heavily on something turning up.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jack
Reacher</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
feel no need to care for Lee Child’s hero. He likes himself enough for both of
us. The books are fun, though.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">George
Smiley</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">John
Le Carre’s fictional spy is so sad, my heart goes out to him. He’s too clever
for his own good, he’s married to a rich woman who deserts him and he has no
problem with killing people. I think it’s maybe the spectacles that I love. Thank
you, science, for contact lenses.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Lucky
Jim</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Is
it possible not to identify with Kingsley Amis’s downtrodden loser? As he
lurches from one disaster to another, he fights intellectual snobbery. I cheer
for him as he wins tiny childish battles against authority by making faces behind
his boss’s back. I defy anyone who has ever done that to fail to identify with
Jim. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">What does all this say about me? That I
admire kindness, self-control, optimism, childish humour and the valiant underdog.I
hate cruelty, self-love and snobbery.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">How about you? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Writing your own fiction? Here's what <a href="http://www.novel-writing-help.com/creating-fictional-characters.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Novel Writing Help</a> has to say about creating characters.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-29402656999853347032013-08-22T06:09:00.002-07:002013-08-23T09:12:44.541-07:00How to be an Introvert<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jane
Austen understood the power of the quiet person. Anne Elliot, her heroine in <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Persuasion-Wordsworth-Classics-Jane-Austen/dp/1853260568/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1377173088&sr=1-1&keywords=persuasion" target="_blank">Persuasion</a>, sits
in the background to play the piano while the extroverts dance, but the hero
finally learns to appreciate her quiet depths. If you find it exhausting to be
part of a noisy group, or wonder how other people manage to tell anecdote after
story, making the room rock with laughter, you may be an introvert, too. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAeLxcbgsT1mzuRAsZerBcIKdS4SRWsbc_dbFlb6hhVoXG9HEhja-VNvjdZIAig-DwETHRlw_aO55ps-2SnVgqhAPjww6MlfKNR_RAlPwJVEGTfWleQvryu4tf047PV0dmDXy07S1ZxDg/s1600/dreamstimefree_2135822.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAeLxcbgsT1mzuRAsZerBcIKdS4SRWsbc_dbFlb6hhVoXG9HEhja-VNvjdZIAig-DwETHRlw_aO55ps-2SnVgqhAPjww6MlfKNR_RAlPwJVEGTfWleQvryu4tf047PV0dmDXy07S1ZxDg/s400/dreamstimefree_2135822.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">An introvert's picture of bliss? <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Dreamstime Stock Photo</a></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Characteristics</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">As an introvert you may find reflection and calm more energising than the liveliness of
social interaction. Not all introverts are the same. Andy longs for a remote island where he can think in peace while Mike thoroughly enjoys a drink
with a few friends, and even loves a party – so long as he can take some
time out to recharge his batteries alone later. You may be easily over-stimulated by noise or flashing lights and prefer to work in a silent room. Maybe you turn the TV off, for the peace, while your partner turns it on for the company.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Introverts make a difference</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Whatever
your preference, remember it’s OK to sit and think. Susan Cain, in her book,
<a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Quiet-power-introverts-world-talking/dp/0141029196/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1377173228&sr=1-1&keywords=quiet+the+power+of+introverts+in+a+world+that+can%27t+stop+talking" target="_blank">Quiet, the Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking,</a> urges you to let go of
your guilt. Although today’s world seems to value fast talkers and people who
think on their feet, there’s a place for those who inhabit the other end of the
spectrum. Einstein, Ghandi, the Dalai Lama and Warren Buffet are all introverts who have made a significant difference to the world. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Warning </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Beware of over-thinking. That can be an introvert’s curse. </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">You may love Facebook. because it gives you the opportunity to reflect on what you
want to say before posting your comments. On the other hand, y</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">ou may never post
at all if you consider your words so carefully that you tweak them for days, until they're no longer relevant. A would-be author can fail to get beyond writing chapter one, by spending every minute of his writing time perfecting the first
3,000 words. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">How others see you </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Ask
an extrovert what she thinks, and you may be surprised by the way she views you.
“James sits quietly through a whole meeting, then says something so profound
that we all have to stop and rethink,” remarked one of James’ colleagues. Another
self-avowed extrovert, Terry, said she was terrified of the introverts at work because
they seemed to her to be sitting silently and judging her. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Team work</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jane,
a cheerful, noisy talker, said she wished her quieter colleague, Sarah, would
say something (anything) to her so they could get a dialogue going. She likes to hone her
ideas aloud, while Sarah prefers to think things through and only speak when
she feels she has something useful to say. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Would
Jane and Sarah make a great team, or should they keep away from each other and
stick with work colleagues who work in a similar way?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Does
society need people from across the whole spectrum, from the wildest rock-star
extrovert to the silent monk in a priory, or should quiet people make more of
an effort to make themselves heard?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">What do you think? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Other posts you may like</span><br />
<br />
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/verbal-and-non-verbal-communication.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication Skills: Ten Golden Rules</span></a></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2011/06/heres-quick-way-to-take-control-of-your.html" target="_blank">How To Take Control Of Your Nerves</a></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2011/05/who-else-wants-to-be-liked-best-tips.html" target="_blank">Who Wants to be Liked? </a></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
</h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/how-to-make-friends-when-youre-shy.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-weight: normal;">How to Make Friends When You're Shy</span></a></h3>
<br /></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-8939709303525386772013-08-09T02:53:00.000-07:002013-08-23T09:14:14.625-07:00How to Make Friends When You're Shy<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> If
you’re shy, you may hate the idea of going to a party where you won’t know many
people. Maybe you feel uncomfortable talking to a group or even convince yourself
that other people are somehow better than you. Shyness makes it hard to venture into
new places and may tempt you to stay at home instead. Watch how confident
people behave and imitate them to overcome your fears and make new friends. </span></div>
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<br />
<span id="goog_753822832"></span><span id="goog_753822833"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">1<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Remember you're not alone. About
40 percent of people in the UK describe themselves as shy. Although your
shyness may make your heart beat faster and your hands sweat, other people don’t
know how you feel. In fact, they probably feel the same way. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">2<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Start with some research into the
way confident people behave. Stop wasting time envying them and wishing you
could tell jokes like they do. Instead, watch how they use body language. Self-assured
people smile, look you in the eye and step forward when they meet you. A
confident voice is clear, resonant and often sounds deeper than other voices.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">3<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Watch yourself in a mirror and mimic the
way those self-assured people behave. Stand tall, with your hands by your sides and
your chin raised and notice how much more in control you look when than when
you fold your arms, stand on one leg and gaze at the floor. Look yourself in
the eye and smile.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">4<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Learn to relax your body. To relieve
body tension, lift your shoulders up to your ears and then let them fall
comfortably in place. Breathe out slowly until your lungs are empty before
allowing them to refill themselves. Avoid taking a deep breath as this can
encourage you to tense your muscles.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">5<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Try a few words in this relaxed state.
You may find you speak on a slightly lower note than before. Nervousness raises your pitch,
but using relaxation relieves the tension in your vocal cords, so your voice
drops and becomes richer. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">6<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Experiment with one change at a time.
Next time you speak to someone, use one of the techniques you tried at home. See
what happens when you make eye contact, or stand straighter, or use a deeper voice. Keep using
this new, confident body language until it becomes a habit. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">7<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Become a good listener. Focus your
attention on the person talking to you. Try to understand what they say, asking
questions to clarify what they mean. Use an occasional nod to make it clear they
have your full attention, and keep your eyes on their face. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Want to know more about
communication skills ? Try these posts:</span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4934114849248752492#editor/target=post;postID=4896574855611092412;onPublishedMenu=template;onClosedMenu=template;postNum=1;src=postname"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Verbal
and Non Verbal Communication Skills: Ten Golden Rules </span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4934114849248752492#editor/target=post;postID=4896574855611092412;onPublishedMenu=template;onClosedMenu=template;postNum=1;src=postname">
</a><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/03/build-your-own-communication-kit.html">How
to Make a Good Impression </a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/03/build-your-own-communication-kit-2.html">How
to Learn to Speak the Same Language </a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/03/build-your-own-communication-kit-3.html">The
Secret of Using All Your Five Senses</a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/04/build-your-own-communication-kit-4.html">How
to See Things From His Point of View </a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2011/02/build-your-own-communication-kit-5-how.html">How
to Avoid the Unscrupulous Salesman’s Language Traps </a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2011/02/build-your-own-communication-kit-6-how.html">How
to Banish Guilt Through Positive Thinking </a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2011/03/problem-solving-in-action-build-your.html">How
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-48965748556110924122012-04-13T07:28:00.000-07:002013-09-02T03:31:58.679-07:00Three Steps To Improving the Way You Listen: Key Communication Skills<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
Do you know someone who thinks they're a great communicator but who drives you crazy? Maybe he has a fund of stories that he rolls out at every opportunity, whether you've heard them before or not. </div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
Or maybe he caps every remark you make with one of his own. You know how it goes. You say, "I broke my foot," and he says, "I did that last year and the doctor said it was the worst fracture he ever saw." </div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
A teenager I know started at a new school so she had to catch a different bus in the morning.The first day, she came home full of enthusiasm for a new friend. </div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
"He's so funny," she said. "We just laughed all the way. I nearly fell off my seat."</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
I bet you can guess how she felt after two weeks. </div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
"I'm hoping he won't be on the bus today," she said. "He never shuts up and it's all about himself."</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
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Yes, you may be more shy, less extrovert, more self-conscious than others: but chances are you're a better communicator if you take the time to listen instead of talking. </div>
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Here's how to do it in three easy steps:</div>
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1 Make sure you really understand what someone is saying to you. Ask questions to keep yourself focused on him. "What happened next?" or "Why do you think that happened?" Who/what/when/how/where/why questions are a great way to keep the conversation going. </div>
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2 Check back with him that you've understood. "So you didn't enjoy the day at the sea?" </div>
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3 Watch his body language. If he's looking down, or out of the window, he may be really upset. If he's leaning back and smiling, things are OK. Be sensitive to his mood: his dating disaster may sound funny to you but if he's devastated, it's cruel to laugh.</div>
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TOP TIP You can help change his mood if he's miserable. Get him to look up at you and he'll feel a little better. We don't say "chin up" for nothing. (Don't say "chin up" by the way. It's annoying. Just stand back so he looks up at you. That's subtle.)</div>
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Got more top tips on listening? I love to hear them. Just leave a comment and spread the word. </div>
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Want to know more about communication skills ? Try these posts:</div>
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<a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/verbal-and-non-verbal-communication.html">Verbal and Non Verbal Communication Skills: Ten Golden Rules </a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/03/build-your-own-communication-kit.html">How to Make a Good Impression </a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/03/build-your-own-communication-kit-2.html">How to Learn to Speak the Same Language </a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/03/build-your-own-communication-kit-3.html">The Secret of Using All Your Five Senses</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/04/build-your-own-communication-kit-4.html">How to See Things From His Point of View </a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2011/02/build-your-own-communication-kit-5-how.html">How to Avoid the Unscrupulous Salesman’s Language Traps </a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2011/02/build-your-own-communication-kit-6-how.html">How to Banish Guilt Through Positive Thinking </a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2011/03/problem-solving-in-action-build-your.html">How to Get Agreement with Communication Skills</a></span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-90033384285301783832012-04-04T01:58:00.001-07:002012-04-04T02:37:22.654-07:00Help To Tell Your Story in Court: Witness Intermediaries<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
Today's post is a little different, as it's especially for anyone who has communication problems (or knows someone who has) and is involved with the justice system in England and Wales.</div>
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For tips on <a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/verbal-and-non-verbal-communication.html">verbal and non verbal communication</a>, and links to other posts on the site,<a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/verbal-and-non-verbal-communication.html"> click here</a>.<br />
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If you’re a child, or you’ve got autism or ADHD or had a stroke, a court appearance may seem scary.<br />
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A court is a strange place. The judge and lawyers wear wigs and gowns. The room’s full of jury members, mysterious officials and odd members of the public, watching from the gallery.<br />
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Everyone uses strange language and talks too fast.</div>
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The good news is that the judge really wants you to be able to tell your story. He or she can make changes to help you.</div>
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<li>There’ll be other adults there as well, whose job is to help you.</li>
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<li>You may be able to talk to the court from a separate room, through a video link.</li>
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<li>Maybe the judge and barristers will take their wigs off, so you can see that they're ordinary people. </li>
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<b>Witness Intermediary</b></div>
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You need to understand all the questions anyone asks you,so you may have a witness intermediary, like me, with you. </div>
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I work with people who have been a victim of crime, or know about one. I also work with a defendant, who's been accused of something and is in court to stand trial. </div>
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This is what people like me do. We've had special training and we're registered with the Ministry of Justice. </div>
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<li>We spend time with you, to find out a bit about you.</li>
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<li>Then we write to the courts. We tell them about any problems you have with understanding or talking.</li>
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<li>We meet with the judge and the lawyers before the trial.</li>
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<li>We may be there with you, in the separate room, called the ‘live link’ room. </li>
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<li>We can ask for a break if you get tired. </li>
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<li>We can suggest other ways that the lawyer asks you a question, so you understand it. </li>
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<li>We can point out to the judge if you get confused. </li>
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Remember, the judge wants you to have your say. </div>
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<li>·<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span>if you have difficulty in listening and concentrating, </li>
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<li>·<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span>if you find it hard to understand what people say,</li>
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<li>·<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span>if talking is difficult,</li>
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ask the police or your solicitor if a Witness Intermediary might be able to help. </div>
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Here's more information about <a href="http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal/s_to_u/special_measures/%20">special measures in England and Wales.</a></div>
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<br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-26770244549071166692012-03-31T02:19:00.001-07:002012-04-01T02:46:59.650-07:00How to Build Your Own Communication Kit: Don’t Jump to Conclusions<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My grandfather used to say, “Everyone’s mad except you and me, and sometimes you’re a bit strange”. That’s the cleaned up version, anyway. </span> <br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I thought about this when I sat drinking coffee with a bunch of colleagues. I watched them and marvelled at their differences. I tried to guess what their behaviour meant.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Jane was talkative and nervous as a kitten. She laughed often and fiddled with her hair. Was she anxious and upset? Or was she excited about something so good she couldn’t wait to tell us?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Laura sat back and spoke rarely. Every comment was appropriate, and each one seemed to put a full stop to the discussion. Was she bored, or was she taking in everything she heard? Was she shy, or does she just prefer not to talk much? </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Helen kept trying to pull the conversation back to the original topic. “Yes, but that’s not the point,” she said three times. Is she a control freak, or did she really want an answer to a question that mattered to her? Was it frustrating to her that we wouldn't take her seriously?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sarah said, “I’m sorry, am I talking too much?” the second time she spoke. Was she anxious that people won’t like her, and think her pushy, or was she passive-aggressively pointing out that others were dominating the conversation?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Imogen tapped the table with a pen, as though she couldn’t wait to be somewhere else. Was Imogen anxious and worried about something, or did she just have a tune running through her head? </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The way we communicate with each other is so subtle, so full of richness and difference, and we give off constant signals about our personalities and our state of mind. Every one of us behaves differently from every one else. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So, beware of ‘mind-reading’. Most signals can mean more than one thing. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">There is always more than one way to read another’s behaviour. Maybe we should hold back our criticisms of each other and look for other reasons when we see behaviour we don't find appealing.<br />
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Often, the key to understanding can be simply finding out a little more about someone. When we're in a group, we behave in a 'public' way. Before we next meet for coffee, I plan to spend a few minutes alone with at least one of my colleagues. If I want to understand her behaviour, I need to build some rapport with her, and find out what makes her tick. Maybe even start to see the world from her point of view and <a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.co.uk/2011/04/how-i-stopped-mind-reading-and-started.html">stop trying to read her mind</a>.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope you enjoyed this post. Have you ever found someone's behaviour difficult to understand? Do you sometimes get it wrong because you don't know as much as you thought about someone? Do some people drive you mad, but you can't put your finger on the reason? Let me know. I'd love to hear your experiences. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">If you liked this, why not have a look at some of these other posts. </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1510850920">How I Stopped Mind-Reading and Started Enjoying Life</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/03/build-your-own-communication-kit.html">How to Make a Good Impression </a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/03/build-your-own-communication-kit-2.html">How to Learn to Speak the Same Language </a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/03/build-your-own-communication-kit-3.html">The Secret of Using All Your Five Senses</a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/04/build-your-own-communication-kit-4.html">How to See Things From His Point of View </a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2011/02/build-your-own-communication-kit-5-how.html">How to Avoid the Unscrupulous Salesman’s Language Traps </a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2011/02/build-your-own-communication-kit-6-how.html">How to Banish Guilt Through Positive Thinking </a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2011/03/problem-solving-in-action-build-your.html">How to Get Agreement with Communication Skills</a><br />
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-36899393904755493062012-02-29T02:06:00.000-08:002013-08-29T07:52:30.568-07:00Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication Skills: Ten Golden Rules<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Even introverts like to talk to other people sometimes, and it gets easier if you follow a few simple rules.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Mostly, we learn these rules by trial and error, sometimes called bitter experience. Boy, can the expewrience hurt. Ever had someone look over your shoulder to find someone more interesting while you're talking? That's one sign you may need to work on your skills.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Don't despair. You too can become an expert communicator. Start with some of these tips.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">• Speak more slowly. Your listener’s brain has to remember your sentences, then decode the words and grammar before he can understand your message. It takes time. Talk too fast and you’ll be misunderstood. </span><br />
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</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">• Pause between phrases and sentences. Give your listener a chance to catch up and to react.</span><br />
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</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">• Use short sentences. You can only hold seven things in your memory at one time. If you pack your sentences full, your listener will miss something. Say important things as simply as possible.</span><br />
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</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">• Match your body language to your meaning. How often do you say, “I’m listening” to your child, while your eyes slide away to your computer screen or TV? Do you ever say “yes,” while your expression says “no”? Avoid giving mixed messages. </span><br />
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</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">• Make eye contact with your listener. She finds it easier to listen to you and you make a connection: the eyes aren’t called “the windows to the soul” for nothing. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">• Check your tone of voice. Sound impatient and that’s all your listener hears. He won’t notice your words: we all know now that most messages come from our non-verbal language.</span><br />
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</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">• Listen to the other person. It’s so easy to plan your next sentences, forgetting to listen to the answer. Watch TV interviewers and see how often they ask a question that’s already been answered, because they forgot to listen.</span><br />
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</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">• Watch for the other person’s body language. Notice his crossed arms or when he leans away from you, showing that he’s feeling defensive. Watch when his body language mirrors yours, showing he feels empathy with you. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">• Give a context to what you say. Don’t launch straight in to a set of instructions or questions, but set the scene first. Your listener needs time to adjust to the new topic. Phrases such as “can we talk about arrangements for the weekend,” tune her in, help her start thinking and make it easier for her to understand.</span><br />
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</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">• Take turns. Let the other person finish what they have to say and avoid interrupting. This matters even more in a tricky situation, when an interruption signals that you are not prepared to consider another’s point of view. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">If you found this article useful, why not have a look at some of these other posts. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/03/build-your-own-communication-kit.html">How to Make a Good Impression </a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/03/build-your-own-communication-kit-2.html">How to Learn to Speak the Same Language </a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/03/build-your-own-communication-kit-3.html">The Secret of Using All Your Five Senses</a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2010/04/build-your-own-communication-kit-4.html">How to See Things From His Point of View </a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2011/02/build-your-own-communication-kit-5-how.html">How to Avoid the Unscrupulous Salesman’s Language Traps </a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2011/02/build-your-own-communication-kit-6-how.html">How to Banish Guilt Through Positive Thinking </a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2011/03/problem-solving-in-action-build-your.html">How to Get Agreement with Communication Skills</a></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4934114849248752492.post-77006041681003687892011-09-19T02:59:00.000-07:002011-09-19T03:01:37.370-07:00Help Your Child Talk: Telling Stories Your Toddler Will Love<div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Welcome to <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/help-your-child-talk-smarter/dp/B004P8JM5W/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=A3TVV12T0I6NSM&s=digital-text&qid=1304062445&sr=1-1"> Help Your Child Talk and Grow Smarter</a>: this week's extract from the SpeechContacts Kindle and your chance to learn more about the way your child learns to talk. </span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">This week, there's more about making up stories for your child. It's so easy. Enjoy watching as your child uses his own creativity to join in with your storytelling. </span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"> <br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">One of the great things about toddlers is they just love repetition. So use the same words and sentences in your story: the more you repeat, the more he'll love it. </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: normal; margin-left: 0in;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: normal; margin-left: 0in;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: normal; margin-left: 0in;"><span style="font-size: small;"> <br />
</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: normal; margin-left: 0in;"><span style="font-size: small;">Here's a story designed to encourage short phrases. It's built around the phrases "teddy eats" and "eats banana/cake/etc". When you make up similar stories, just follow these rules:</span></div><ol style="font-family: inherit;"><li><span style="font-size: small;">Keep the phrases short.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">Repeat the same words many times.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">Tell the story often.<br />
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</ol><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: normal; margin-left: 0in;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Hungry Teddy</b><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXASuLEHiQigOt7EC-uRb3GgSuK_ZQIFLasZsk82wUtHwtRcmYmpl-Ew0WhbQdaLsR-vwmJw8afatcFq3ZcxHaQvwYa58qEHrQu8S0poHfROufrpBmYpk8bTXA9NI2dT3AIsg0NKjzJ1U/s1600/dreamstimefree_988860.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXASuLEHiQigOt7EC-uRb3GgSuK_ZQIFLasZsk82wUtHwtRcmYmpl-Ew0WhbQdaLsR-vwmJw8afatcFq3ZcxHaQvwYa58qEHrQu8S0poHfROufrpBmYpk8bTXA9NI2dT3AIsg0NKjzJ1U/s320/dreamstimefree_988860.jpg" width="240" /></a></span><span style="font-size: small;">Teddy is hungry. Mummy gives him a banana. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
Teddy eats the banana. Teddy is still hungry. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Mummy gives him a cake. Teddy eats the cake. But Teddy is still hungry.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisPR4lyNNehXtAm-j4LiMw4qiZwZnvPj_hlK3jMYs4iKASJYoqrwBYvSCW0OI-DbovU9Bl6xXtkSZJkAtgospoYiLPS1I3xFe5EAv4NshnEqXNJmFK6jG7YnajbTHUZ96Y8s1aQiTqr_s/s1600/dreamstimefree_1773248.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisPR4lyNNehXtAm-j4LiMw4qiZwZnvPj_hlK3jMYs4iKASJYoqrwBYvSCW0OI-DbovU9Bl6xXtkSZJkAtgospoYiLPS1I3xFe5EAv4NshnEqXNJmFK6jG7YnajbTHUZ96Y8s1aQiTqr_s/s320/dreamstimefree_1773248.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Mummy gives him a biscuit. Teddy eats the biscuit. But Teddy is </span><span style="font-size: small;">still </span><span style="font-size: small;">hungry.... </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">And so on ... Then make a big finish: </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: normal; margin-left: 0in;"><span style="font-size: small;">Teddy is full right up and he isn't hungry any more.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: normal; margin-left: 0in;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">When you make up your stories about everyday objects, why not take photos of the objects, print them out and stick them in a book. Hey presto, your child has his very own story book. Or you can download pictures like the ones here, from <a href="http://dreamstime.com/">dreamstime.com</a> </span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">More storytelling posts here:</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2011/06/storytelling-for-toddlers-help-your.html">Storytelling for Toddlers</a></span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://speechcontacts.blogspot.com/2011/01/storytelling-5-simple-ways-to-improve.html">Five Simple Ways to Improve Your Writing</a></span> </div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: normal; margin-left: 0in;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
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</span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11007766251364466722noreply@blogger.com2